Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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