ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
