You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Found the puke drawer
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
