I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
