you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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