That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
