Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
