just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
