I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i wish my penis had a tongue
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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