dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
