ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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