you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
do herpes really smell.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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