im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
