Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
