shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
