If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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