Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
