What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
as a side note pls kill me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize