The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize