He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The power of my boobs compel you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize