Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
