"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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