you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
