bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize