i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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