Soap is not a condiment
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
