then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
