One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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