he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
