Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
