i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
