i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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