I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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