my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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