I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize