His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
