Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
