I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
