Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
