This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
