dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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