Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
