new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
