that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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