A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
