just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
