If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just invented taco cereal.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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