Who wears a wallet chain?!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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