drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have aggressive nipples.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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