Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's never too late to be topless.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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