Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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