what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
