I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize