1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
