i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
