the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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