i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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