When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
