I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
