You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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