your thong is hanging out like whoa
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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