Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
